Insomnia
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
I can’t sleep. It’s nearly four am.
I know that I’ve neglected this blog recently, and it also feels like I’ve been neglecting myself too.
I’m really starting to dislike my job; every day it feels harder to drag myself there.
I don’t feel like my life is going to improve, like all I’ve got to look forward to is another 40-50 years of tedium. And yet there’s a tiny voice inside of me that believes that I can change my life for the better.
I constantly feel underestimated. I also feel that several people are taking advantage of me on a regular basis. It’s got to stop.
One of my issues is that I often let people get away with a certain amount before I make a fuss. I hate to create conflict, so I end up leaving it until all that bottled-up resentment erupts from deep inside of me.
I feel like I’m always doing favours for other people, but rarely does anyone help me when I need a hand. People will take and take and take and not think about my feelings or needs.
I’ve started to realise that I want to be self-employed. I want to be my own boss. Administration is a very humbling occupation; not only do you have to manage your own workload, but you often have to foresee and sort out problems caused by other people, usually without broadcasting that you’ve saved the day (yet again).
I often feel patronised by people who seem to think I’m an idiot because I’m "only" a receptionist-cum-secretary-cum-PA-cum-general dogsbody. Sometimes the smugness from certain people drives me into a secret rage. I also feel annoyed when people who seem to be chronically disorganised mess up my workload with last-minute tasks which they should have told me about earlier.
Administrators are the invisible heroes in every industry; as someone said to me recently: Administration only attracts attention when it’s not working properly. If you come into contact with an Administrator, treat them with respect - they really deserve it.
I’ve worked in Admin since 2002, and before that I worked in retail/customer service. I think it’s time for me to move on.
1:08 am on 24-Jan-08
January always does that to me
Don’t let it get to you - I’ve got about twenty years on you, and there’s a lot of fun to be had, trust me on this. Listen to your inner voice now and again - it knows what it’s talking about.
Once in a while, tell someone to fuck off. And don’t let the bastards get you down
.
Incredible, out.
10:30 pm on 24-Jan-08
Thanks, Capt, those are definitely wise words to remember.
3:10 am on 26-Jan-08
“One of my issues is that I often let people get away with a certain amount before I make a fuss. I hate to create conflict, so I end up leaving it until all that bottled-up resentment erupts from deep inside of me.”
Ditto. I’m a lot better now,though. As the years pass I’ve gotten better at telling people where to get off. It’s a work in progress.
As for the job - I was unhappy with mine for a long time, but I couldn’t leave while my son was in school. You don’t have that kind of commitment yet, I think, so maybe it’s time to plan some sort of move. Do some research into other options; that alone will make you feel more empowered - and hopeful.
10:32 pm on 28-Jan-08
So do it PJ, you know you can!
X mwah X