On the way home from work this evening something very strange happened. A bright pink limo drove up beside me, and two burly blokes grabbed me and tossed me into the back. I found myself sitting opposite someone who looked a lot like Mariah Carey in sunglasses.

“Do not speak directly to Mariah,” said a minion sitting beside me. “You are PJ, of the Urban Recluse Blog, are you not?”

“How do you know that?”

“We have our ways of gaining information,” said the minion, who spoke in an unusual accent, like Angelina Jolie in Beowulf or Alexander.

“You have offended Ms Carey with your blog post about a trash bag dress. She would never wear such a dress, and she felt that your sarcasm was unwarranted. She has beautiful breasts, and feels entitled to flaunt them whenever she wants. Who are you to deny her this human right?” I could smell the minion’s peppermint breath as he leaned in close to rebuke me.

“It was an April Fool’s joke,” I said. “I thought that Mariah could take it. I’m sorry that I offended her. I agree that she has lovely breasts. Please don’t hurt me, I know all your songs. October 2003, Wembley Arena; I was in the second row, and you smiled at me. We have history, Mariah.”

The minion snapped my bra strap. “Do not speak directly to Ms Carey! Girlfriend, you need to quit your hating, and start making it up to Mariah. Mariah giveth and Mariah taketh away, you dig?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“You should write a post on your blog about Mariah, which must include as many sexy pics as you can find. The sexier the better, and the more cleavage the better. Ms Carey would also love it if you could display some of her sexy videos too.”

“No problem,” said I. “Can I get an autograph?”

Mariah tutted and turned her head away from me. The burly blokes lifted me out of the limo and set me down outside of my house.

“Remember, we know where you live,” said the minion, leaning out of the limo window. “Mariah forever.” The limo sped off.

–

As agreed, here are my pics and youtube playlist for the lovely Ms Carey. Enjoy!

Playlist:

1. Heartbreaker (Remix)
2. The Roof
3. My All (Remix)
4. Don’t Stop (Funkin’ for Jamaica)
5. Dreamlover
6. Boy (I need you)
7. Loverboy
8. Get your Number
9. Someday
10. I know what you want (with Busta Rhymes)
11. Hero
12. I still believe
13. Anytime you need a friend
14. Vision of Love
15. We Belong Together
16. Forever
17. Breakdown
18. I’ll be there
19. I don’t wanna cry

Written by PJ | Posted in Eye Candy, fun, music

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